A Shattered Heart
by Aerilon452
Summary: Helen gets her heart broken when she finds John.


Summary: Helen gets her heart broken when she finds John.

Rating: K

Pairing: Helen and John.

**A SHATTERED HEART:**

Helen hadn't even been looking for him. She had faith that John, or the creature inside of him, would pick a destination. But she never imagined that she would find him dead or find him dead on her own property. John was dead and her heart broke. Helen didn't think that her heart could break for him again, but it did. Will had tried to hold her back, tried to keep her from going to him, but she broke free of his restraining arms and ran to him.

John was lying on his side and there was blood on his chest. "John?" Helen's voice broke as she rolled him to his back; blood coated her hands, coated her clothes, and coated the grown. "No, no, no… John, you're not dead." Helen shook him, but the rational part of her mind knew that he was gone, he was dead. Everything else faded away. It was just Helen shaking John, trying to get him to wake up. But he was in the cold embrace of death; there would be no waking from that. There was no Will, there was no terrace, and there was no Sanctuary.

"Magnus, he's…" Will tried to pull her away, but she shook off his shoulder and leaned over John. He didn't think she would still feel anything for him, but Will was known to be wrong. After all these years, Magnus still loved Druitt.

"Go away, Will. Just go away." Helen muttered. She was trying to keep her voice steady and even as her heart was breaking, shattering into a million pieces. John was the last connection she had to Ashley, and now he was gone. Helen heard Will back away as she tugged John into her arms.

"John, please, wake up… just wake up." Helen pleaded and sniffed. Tears were flowing freely and falling on his pale face. She rocked back and forth with her arms wrapped around his chest, more blood soaking into her clothes. She rested her chin on the top of his head and cried silent tears.

"Please… John… please…" Her voice broke even more and her tears fell faster. He was gone; he was dead. Of all the times she had wished he was dead she never thought that he would actually pass from this life and leave her behind. John had promised Helen eternity and he was breaking that promise just as he was breaking her heart. As long as he was alive she could have forgiven him. Helen wanted to hate him for leaving her alone in this life, but she couldn't. She knew how much pain he was in with that creature inside of him. Death was his only way out.

**TWO HOURS LATER:**

Will, Henry, Kate, and the Big Guy stood watching Helen as she rocked back and forth the deceased Druitt in her arms. For two hours she hadn't budged from the spot on the terrace and the four of them were getting worried. It appeared to them that her tears had stopped but her body still shook, wracked with sadness. None of them wanted to go to her, but they had to move the body. Will shook his head and moved quietly over to her. "Magnus…"

"Go away Will." Helen sniffed and held John tighter.

"We have to move him. He can't stay out here…"

"Don't touch him. Don't touch him." She repeated anger lacing her words as well as new tears.

"We'll take care of him," Will tried again and placed his hand on her shoulder. He felt her shudder and sank down next to her.

"I never thought he would actually die," Helen turned her watery gaze on him and she saw as Will realized the depth of her pain. All of her protestations of her hatred for him; it was actually her denial of her love that still burned for him.

Will reached out and grasped the lapels of Jon's trench coat so he could lift his dead weight out of Magnus's arms but she kept her arms where they were. "Magnus, we have to move him."

"No," Helen felt her tears start to fall again. Then she nodded, she knew John had to be moved to med level. That thought sliced through her and she wanted to cry out, to scream, but she slid out from behind him and stood on shaky legs. She would have fallen back down to her knees if it hadn't been for her man servant, trusted friend, Big Foot by her side. He put his arms around her, more to shield her when Henry and Will moved John.

**MED LEVEL:**

Helen had shaken off Big Foot and had come down to say good bye to John. She was still in tatters, blood on her hands, blood on her clothes, and tears in her eyes. As she walked in there he was lying on a gurney with a sheet pulled over him. Helen about ran out of the room rather than face the dead face of her love. But she steeled herself and walked over to him. She pulled the sheet aside and dropped her hands. John looked as if he was sleeping peacefully, but his death had been the release he had sought. Helen placed a shaky hand on his cheek and laid a kiss to his cold, dead, lips.

"I love you," Helen whispered and pulled back. Some of her tears fell onto his face. "I'm so so sorry I couldn't save you." She wiped away a tear and continued, "I want to hate, to despise you, but I can't. You broke my heart so many times and yet I can still cry for you, cry over you. You were my love and my life and the last link to our daughter." Helen kissed him again and left. The one thing she took with her was his leather trench coat. It may have blood on it, but it still carried John's scent and that was what she wanted. Helen trusted that Will and the others would take care of John, make the arrangements as she mourned him for the final time. This time they would have no second chance. John was truly gone and she was truly alone.


End file.
